There are men in my life who I love deeply who are not my husband.  That’s the truth, plain and simple.

They are young and old, short and tall, hairy and bald, some handsome – in a worldly sense – and some not so much.  But they all have some things in common.

They are men who bring unique richness to my life, who challenge me and build me up, who tease me and laugh with me, and make the burdens of life feel lighter.

They serve me and reassure me, speak Truth to me and comfort me. They boldly walk alongside me as I battle – never facing me as my husband does – but always right there next to me, our faces ever toward this perilous, beautiful world which we are all trying our best to navigate.

These men, they are my protectors and my defenders, those who see me and know me, and graciously accept me anyway – quirks, blemishes, and all.

They would be (and have been) here in a heartbeat if ever there is need.

And they are, each one, my brothers in Christ.

There at the beginning, I tried to fight against this love, to deny it, began to fear and demonize it even.  Because the idea of loving a man who is not your husband sounds akin to adultery, yes?  Maybe conjures up thoughts of darkness and destruction, lust and lewdness?  And to love, not just one man who is not your spouse, but to love many men – fairly scandalous if you’re just a plain old country girl from the Midwest, and a married one at that!

I thought that way at first, that this love must be so very wrong, that there must be something wrong with me that needed fixing here.

But as I read and re-read the Word, what I come back to time and time again – are we not called to love and to Love?

“We love because He first loved us.”

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”

“No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and His love is perfected in us.”

“Love one another with brotherly affection.”

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three: but the greatest of these is love.”

“Let all that you do be done in love.”

“…We are to grow up in every way into Him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.”

“And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ…”

“May the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another…”

And I’m certainly no theologian, am most definitely open to the possibility that I’m in error here, but it seems like a good thing then – for a brother and sister to love each other in purity.  I’ve yet to encounter in my reading anything that suggests otherwise.

So, brilliant, then – we will all just press on, sisters loving brothers and brothers loving sisters, the end, yes?

But no.

Because, while love is a gift and a command and sign of His abiding presence in us, the one who delights in deception expertly twists and manipulates it, always trying to turn something beautiful into something broken, wanting to take us – His people – down with it.

We can see how easily it might happen, yes?  It’s what many of us fear, to some degree, I think?  That the line between love, pure and holy, and love, warm and tingly, will become blurry somehow?  That we will inadvertently bring darkness and destruction and death to people for whom we only want the very best?

So what to do?  Purposefully harden ourselves toward love?  Work to numb and distance and distract ourselves?  Run away from members of the opposite sex?  Try to remain ‘safe,’ in hiding – somewhere, some way?  Live life in bondage to fear of failing, of falling?

Or.

To confidently claim this most beautiful thing called love as Christ’s and His alone.  To live acutely attuned to the schemes of the deceiver, to be constantly on guard, but in a way that is fearless and joy-filled and oh so very grateful.  To arm ourselves with the Word and with a vulnerability with each other that says, ‘I struggle here, with this, and would you help me?’  To declare to our broken selves and to the broken world, ‘In Him, in His Body is where we find love unblemished, love overflowing, love most genuine, love eternal.’  To remain tender and soft and moldable, ever thankful for brothers and sisters alike with whom to travel this weary road.

And so, these men.  They show me Christ.  They cause me to know more of Him.

And I believe that is a reality to be thoroughly celebrated, to Him be the glory!

And my prayer, in closing:

May the love He so perfectly designed and desires for each of us, never be twisted or tarnished or stained by sin.  But rather, may we learn to love each other well, with purity and tenderness and utter vulnerability, men and women alike, together seeking our Lord, now and always, for His good and glory.

Amen.

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